Watermelon Dim Mak with Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal reaches new heights of self-parody, in this scene from his latest movie Shadow Man:

Steven Seagal: So the idea of dim mak, or any kind of internal technique, is not to hurt others but to help others.  Dim mak can be used to heal people, it can be used to kill people.  This is the nature of chi.  Chi can be used in striking for just external, or internal.  If you go to the internal organs you’ll do great damage; external, you can just move them a little. [Applies ji posture to send Student 1 reeling backwards.]  Or, you can go internal. [Strikes watermelon held by Student 2, ruining lunchtime for everyone.]

Student 3: [Advances and bows.] Sifu, I was very impressed with the way you broke the watermelon.  Can you teach me?  Can you give me a lesson?

Steven Seagal: [Nods head and scowls, annoyed.  Throws Student 3 backwards into a wall.]  Now, collect your chi, and come at me.


Shadow Man, starring Steven Seagal

Student 3, you made the classic rookie mistake.  Never ask Steven Seagal to teach you a lesson!

5 comments

  1. More movie trivia:

    • The watermelon was already dead, before he even put his death touch on it.
    • After the watermelon exploded, the student’s black uniform remained spotless.
    • “Gather your chi and come at me” is a variation of the old Aikido joke: “Grab my wrist, so I can kick your ass.”

  3. Lesson #1– Seagal is at his deadliest when you’re near his food.

    This is priceless: reminds me of the Monty Python “fresh fruit” sketch where John Cleese was teaching self-defense to guys in the army– against attacks by fresh fruit!

    “The best thing to do when attacked by a raspberry-laden mob, is 1) shoot him, 2) pull the lever and the 16-ton weight will fall on his head, or 3) RELEASE THE TIGER!”

    Oh well he can’t fight, but I bet he can FART like nobody’s business.

  4. Pingback: Steven Seagal Redeems Himself As Cock Puncher

  5. Cut him some slack. The Ancient, Watermelon Strike is a well known and respected technique of the Douch Bag Style of Aiki-please don’t because he shouldn’t be allowed to say he is a Martial Artist style of….Martial Arts? Seriously tho, If I was ever attacked by a picnic, I would feel much better with SS around

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