Chuck Norris Gets His Facts Right?

Did you know?

In 1982, Chuck Norris was choked out by the famous Gracie Jujitsu family. A decade later, everybody started copying him. We now know this phenomenon as the UFC. (pg. 57)
 

On the set of “Walker, Texas Ranger,” Chuck Norris once took a live rattlesnake by surprise. Then he set it down on the ground, and grabbed it again. The director fleed the scene in terror. (pg. 2)

Chuck Norris is half Irish, and half leg. (pg. 20)

In the interest of full disclosure: I owe Chuck Norris a favor. It was by introducing his “facts” to the mainstream audience back in 2006, that I first established this blog as a premier source for martial arts humor, news, fact and opinion. As payback, he has kindly allowed me to review his latest book, “The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book.”

This, Chuck’s seventh book (!), juxtaposes 101 of his favorite and least obscene Internet-spawned “facts”, with real stories from his life as tournament fighter, actor, and speedboat racer. Total damage: three hundred and five pages.

Did you know?

As a young MP serving in Korea, Chuck Norris failed his test for first-degree black belt. He eventually took an eighth-degree black belt instead. (pg. vi)
 

Chuck Norris went to a stretching class with Steve McQueen in a pink leotard. Nobody laughed at Chuck. (pg. 39)

Chuck Norris enjoys a good bowl of Blue Bell ice cream. (pg. 116)

Walker, Texas Ranger

It is no coincidence that “The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book” was published by Tyndale House, also responsible for the popular Rapture-porn series “Left Behind”. While Chuck owes no apologies for celebrating his Christian values here in some rather tedious and repetitive vignettes, the party ends early for the reader. To be fair, this is one jeremiad with excellent illustrations.

It is not so much the presence of religion and politics in this book, but their shallow and humorless treatment that offends. (The 2008 gas price shock is seemingly blamed on “foreigners,” with free-market capitalism offered as a solution.) Fortunately, the book is leavened with a prominent “Chuck Norris fact” on every third or fourth page, and many of the anecdotes that stay away from these two difficult topics are genuinely interesting.

Did you know?

Chuck Norris once outran an angry mother elephant on the African plains. It was his favorite vacation. (pg. 263)
 

Chuck Norris endorsed Ron Paul, possibly hoping for a “Roundhouse Kick the Fed” Bill. (pg. 89)

Those who fancy themselves as conservative soldiers in America’s “Culture War” will undoubtedly love this book. Those unfamiliar with Chuck Norris facts will also like it. For everyone else, a little Christian patience may be required.

* All the facts listed on this page are true!

4 comments

  1. Pingback: Book Review Blog Carnival Number 30 « Book Review Blog Carnival

  3. Yeah, except that the Chuck Norris jokes were just rip-offs of Vin Diesel jokes. And the concept behind that was stolen from the SNL “Bill Brasky” sketch. But if you’re a social outcast like the writet here, when a popular kid notices you you’ve got to make the most of the situation by cramming your nose deep in his ass in the hopes of having some of his awesomeness rub off onto you.

    [You try to insult people by citing old SNL skits, and *I* am the social outcast? Must be Opposite Day. –Ed.]

  4. REAL Chuck Norris pushing down the earth at Chuck’s Texas ranch (NO JOKE!)

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